Ireland Revisited

It has been exactly one year since I left for Ireland. One year ago, I stepped onto the Eire Lingus airplane ramp, my excitement finally catching up with my uncertainty. Yes, there is still a part of me that wants to continue to remain bitter to the circumstances, attitudes, and actions that linger so obtrusively from my stay in that beautiful country. Part of me wants to squelch the sorrow and pain with purposeful forgetfulness. This is what I tried to do for several months after my return. I didn't want to talk about it. I was done. 

It's not like that anymore. 

In the past couple months, I accepted again that those 3 months in Ireland were 3 months of my life that were not wasted. I've accepted it and thus opened myself to something I should have let in long ago: gratitude. 

Gratitude helps me reach back across the ocean to remember as I should. And would I choose now again to go back, knowing what would happen? Difficult as it may be, I think so. I believe every person in our group was in Ireland at that time for a specific purpose. We may not have been in sync with each other most of the time, we may have grated deeply on each others' nerves. We may have even, sadly, scarred each other deeply on an emotional level. 

But in those few times of unity, there was a sense of holiness that invaded my soul. God's supremacy reigned in our dysfunctional "family." He reigns over us now as we have gone our "separate" ways, even as seeds of brokenness remain evident. 

If I were to go back in time now I would try, I would try to react differently . . . to be gentler with myself, to be more understanding of others, to be patient in hope, joyful in affliction, grateful in all things. Regret is not the word I will choose to use. I choose to rely on hope, hope that in my past failures and afflictions God's strength was made known in my weakness. Hope in my present, in that I understand more things now and am more well-equipped for certain battles had I not gone to Ireland when I did. And I have hope that in the future, my new perspective on my study abroad experience will flourish into a harvest of redemptive thankfulness. 

Thanks be to God for reminding me of my smallness in the infinite,

The abundance of grace in every moment,

And the redemptive beauty of remembrance 

Relentless Love

The love of true friendship pursues. Sure, the relationship waxes and wanes through physical separation and various circumstances. But ultimately, true friendship stands the test of time by seeking out the other person throughout the highest and lowest stages of their life. It is amazing to me how few people in this world take initiative in solidifying lasting friendships. Indeed, there are relationships that last only for a short time, and that is okay. I think sometimes God puts people together in a friendship specifically for a certain time period to encourage one another. 

However, do we not all hunger for relationships that never fade? A friend who you have no doubt will keep in contact no matter the distance . . . a friend who will walk beside you even when you are acting unloveable . . . a friend that loves you just as much in your pitiful moments than when you are at your best . . . a friend that you aren't afraid of having to impress . . . a friend that refuses to let you go until he/she understands . . . a friend that would give his/her life for you . . . 

There aren't many friends that are like that. I do not meet all of those qualities in any of my relationships. Some come closer than others, but selfishness still forms a barrier everywhere. 

Recently two of my friends, a married couple, got a divorce. I was heartbroken and I still do not understand why they went through with it, though they attempted to explain. Very few things, in my mind, merit a breaking of such a covenant. When I think that even the most sacred of earthly relationships is so easily broken, I am afraid. I am afraid we . . . none of us . . . understand love at all. We don't understand that love is more give than take, that love seeks the other person's good first and foremost and not our own. That love is more than a feeling. Love is a commitment to serve when it doesn't make sense. At all. 

And this one relationship . . . that of Christ to His creation, His children, His bride . . . Christ made it known to all that love is worth the risk. 

It's worth it to be proactive in recklessly loving others, even though people may choose to reject us, because some people can be blessed or even saved by a relentless heart. 

Yes, I believe relentless love in the face of possible rejection can save lives. Between humans, and certainly between God and us. Christ is indeed the perfect example of giving up everything (Philippians 2:1-11) out of a desire for us to experience something greater than ourselves: eternal joy in His presence. What a relief that God will never consider signing divorce papers with us. His promises are mightier than our failures and selfish ambitions. What a friend we have in Jesus.

Yet somehow, I still manage to take advantage of God's relentless love. I desire these deep relationships  of relentless pursuit, yet I lose my passion in pursuing God. But He is not one of those friends that is in your life for just one specific time and place. He's not gonna up and leave. Not a chance. So what better way to practice my relentless love than with my Creator and Savior? Only when I can love God relentlessly can I begin to love others similarly.