A Bipolar Relationship

[[[[ There are so many things I want to write about right now that I feel my heart wanting to burst open and spill out pages and pages of words on very different topics. In fact, even as I write this, what I was going to talk about I think I will save for a later date. I'm feeling a little ADD currently (can I use that as an excuse not to do homework? I think so.) 

I don't know what it is about God, but sometimes He just hits me with all these realities and instead of being spoon-fed I realize He is laying out a feast of ideas for me to delve into. I love thinking deeply about things. In fact, writing in this blog has become one of my favorite things to do--to discover what God wants to say to me and to record what I learn. ]]]]

"The problem with people is that we either let our emotions run our lives, or we cast them as villains and beat them into submission until they’re unrecognizable. We become over-emotional or anti-emotional, missing out on what God has for us through our feelings." - Fabienne Harford

So, let's hone into what I feel is one of hundreds of thoughts zipping around my head. . . you know, I'm pretty excited about God right now. I'm excited about what He is doing, the possibilities, the opportunities, the church I am attending here at school, etc. At other times I feel as if God is a universe away from me, that He may not even exist, that I'm following a lie, that I'll never make progress in areas I struggle with, that I might as well be dead for all the pain in the world that I'm helpless to amend. In fact, in the same day I can be wildly passionate and giddy about what God is doing and how awesome He is and then later on feel heavy discouragement snuggle into my thoughts, making a home in my doubts and fears. 

MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD IS BIPOLAR!

How's that for being obnoxious? Just thought I'd get that out there. Don't worry. I'm not clinically diagnosed with bipolar syndrome. However! I want to boast in this spiritual weakness of mine, this being prone to deep emotion and swings of mindset that I don't understand. 

Why??? 

Because God teaches me so much through these strange ebbs and flows. He teaches me His faithfulness constant through what my senses perceive (or don't perceive.) He shows me how to pursue Him in every minuscule or seasonal feeling of either content or discontent. Music and writing stem from this confusion, either nudging me on the path of Truth or leading me to a deeper understanding of why I feel a certain way.

God isn't afraid of my emotions. So why should I fear them?

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.