The Forest of Depression

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;all your waves and breakers have swept over me. 

- Psalm 42:7

It is both a blessing and a great pain to both think and feel deeply. Because my mind constantly thirsts for Truth, God is able to teach me so many things about myself, others, and God. On the flipside, sometimes I think way too much--I dwell-- and when those thoughts are negative or are lies, it transfers to my emotions. Since I feel deeply as well, I am able to empathize with people who are suffering. However, I often dwell in my emotions also. So when negative thoughts or news of tragedy or anticipation of change reaches my mind, I try to process process process with all this emotion emotion emotion and one of two things happens. I either:

(1) Withdraw into myself and become overly anxious or depressed

or

(2) Entrust my deep-set thoughts and emotions to a God who responds in the way only HE can, reaching my deepest needs of mind and heart by responding with an equally, or even greater depth

That said, I stumbled upon an article in Christianity Today about depression. Based on the clinical definition, I have probably been in major depression once in my life. I know friends who struggle with depression much more than I have, and acquaintances who have suffered even more, to the point of even attempting suicide. It's terrifying. It's terrifying because the person is not thinking rationally. Even if they are, there are still lies that are being believed. Lies that can so cloud the bigger picture that it can steal a life! Some interesting points I gleaned from this article:

"And the nature of the relationships we do have is changing. Many have become what British sociologist Anthony Giddens labels "pure relationships"—"pure" in that they are detached from any social context, external structure, or security. There is no covenant, community, or being to orient the relationship or provide ongoing assurance, direction, and support. All of this must be generated by the relationship itself, which exacts a heavy burden. We can never relax in pure relationships because there is no pledge of fidelity or constancy on which to rest. We must "maintain" these relationships ourselves. Over time, constant vigilance and sustained insecurity often lead to frustration, anxiety, and weariness. These relationships are just too hard to keep up."    

• Our relationships are too individualistic. We don't rely on dedicated community in Christ, but rely on ourselves to sustain friendships. 

•  We "need" to perform maintenance work. When we become weary of this, we can feel all sorts of emotions.

"Opportunity for the church -- Uncertainty, insignificance, and powerlessness. Destructive, self-indulgent escape. Loneliness and isolation. Fear and distrust. Loss of hope. Retreat. Although hasty and incomplete, this sketch of the early-21st-century American cultural mood picks up dark details masked by indices of societal well-being. It also reminds us that to focus exclusively on the individual in our efforts to understand the depression epidemic is to miss the forest for the trees." 

• The Church has opportunity to do the most good for those who struggle with depression. The Church is a hospital for all of our broken lives. We need to address the epidemic of depression in society, not just on an individualized basis

 "Christian teaching about sin and its reverberating effects frees the church from surprise about the disordered state of human affairs. We can acknowledge the effects of sin both within and without. We can look at wrecked reality squarely in the eye and call it what it is. 

And thanks be to God, who raised the One who entered fully into our condition, breaking the power of sin, death, and hell, that we not only can name wrecked reality, but also lean into it on the promise that Christ is making all things new. 

Those who bear the marks of despair on their bodies need a community that bears the world's only sure hope in its body. They need communities that rehearse this hope again and again and delight in their shared foretaste of God's promised world to come. They need to see that this great promise, secured by Christ's resurrection, compels us to work amidst the wreckage in hope. In so doing, the church provides her depressed members with a plausible hope and a tangible reminder of the message they most need to hear: This sin-riddled reality does not have the last word. Christ as embodied in his church is the last word."  

• We know where depression comes from, can call it what it is, and know that God is not going to let depression live forever 

•  Community is essential for reminders of God's provision, love, and promises. If you don't have good community, find it. No excuses until you find one. Even if it is difficult to find one, it is out there, so why stop looking for your biggest aid in fighting depression?

Addicted to Easy

I'm addicted to easy. In Mexico, many many things were easy and it is now I come back into the hard, harsh life of busy. Some of you may have questions. Isn't a mission trip supposed to be hard? Isn't it supposed to drive some unexpected growth amidst spiritual warfare and open your eyes to the despair of economic and social poverty? Throw in a little fear here, a little self-doubt there . . . how can it be anything but hard?

It seems an almighty offense to call the Gospel easy to live. But what I found out in Mexico was that God knew what He was saying when He speaks of the value of vulnerable community, the body of Christ working together, being of one mind and spirit, and ultimately living for the love of God and the love of others and sharing the Truth that rescues.


I was struck by how fulfilling it is to live in such a way, focusing exclusively on relationships.


Now, I come back and am bombarded by the busyness of school. Dare I say school is a necessary evil? No, no . . . it is a gift from God, though I believe the system is broken (yes, even in my Christian school) in many ways. It is a blessing to learn of what God has created and revealed to people, but we are motivated by the wrong things, driven by grades and success.

How hard it is to keep in mind the mission of life--abiding in Christ--while deadlines and busyness rule the world.

I hunger and thirst for righteousness--the righteousness of Christ piercing through the darkness of our busy American lives and restoring focus on Himself and on building relationships with others. So many times, we saw others forsake their schedules simply to spend time with us in Mexico. Graciousness abounded and the love of Christ flourished like opening blossoms in the spring. I struggle to find how to live this kind of life in a culture that demands a schedule and punishes you if you spend too much time on relationships and not on responsibilities.

Restore our broken lives, God. We are just as broken as the orphans and widows in Mexico, simply in different ways. I see now how easy it is to love when I am not limited by a task-driven schedule. Oh my gracious Savior, show us how to live this easy Gospel love in this world. I'm struggling. I'm struggling. I'm struggling, because I've tasted and seen that You are good . . . and now I am addicted to easy.

My God is so BIG

So strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do! I must have sung this old Sunday School tune at least 10 times yesterday. I don't even know the rest of the lyrics, but those were quite enough for me to shout down the hallway in ecstasy.

all-powerful

Shepherd

Servant 

Some of my favorite moments with God is when I lay aside my troubles for a while and remind myself that I am a little child when it comes to loving and knowing God. So often I try to "figure out" what's going on in God's mind. Either to try to reconcile what's happening around me or to try and gain some measure of control. What a waste of time, really. More often, I need to rest and acknowledge God for who He is. Verbally. Words are powerful, and affirming God's glory and identity can be so freeing.

Savior

Merciful

Slow to anger

Abounding in love

At wing church last night (a time each week when my wing comes together for an hour to glorify God in community) we sang and then spoke words that described who GOD IS. We must have done this for 30 minutes, but it felt like 5. With each descriptor uttered, I felt a resonant "yes" dispelling my doubts. I could not help but grin at times, hearing my beautiful friends speak Truth and Life.

Counselor

King

Good

I didn't want to stop. For once, there was no urgency in my mind to hurry through because part of me wanted to do something else. No. For once, I fully enjoyed His presence and the presence of my sisters in Christ. I hunger for more of that kind of simple, childlike faith, back-to-the-basics worship.

God is . . . 

Joy

Creative

Friend

Compassionate

Empathetic

Conqueror

Victorious!

Teacher

Father

Righteous Judge

Holy

Perfect

Peace

Beautiful

Jealous

Wise

Gentle

Resurrection

Renewal

And indescribably more than we could ever ask or imagine (Eph. 3:20)

Three in One

Any claim to understand the Trinity is an expression either of ignorance or arrogance. It's one of those great mysteries that we will someday come to terms with, once Christ returns. However, there is an infinite amount to learn even now about the nature of these three distinct persons with different roles who relate to each other as the one and only God. I gained new insight this morning at church.

Darren talked about how God the Father was the star attraction from Creation to the time of the prophets. Eventually, the Jews demanded a king to rule them because everyone else had one. When God reminded them that He was their King the Jewish people whined their way into getting a flawed, earthly king, which ended up being a poor substitute, though God invariably brought all together for good through this setup. 

When Jesus came to earth, He took over the lead role from the Father. Interestingly, the Pharisees and other religious "experts" dedicated to observing the Law rejected and despised Jesus. God revealed through prophets that He would one day come to earth, fully God and fully man, to reconcile people to Himself and fulfill the Law. Yet for some reason, the Pharisees rejected him. They got so hung up on God the Father, that they were blind to the Son who was right there in their midst. How thick can you get? Well, let's see. They only ended up condemning the SAVIOR OF THE WORLD to torment and death. That's pretty thick if you ask me. But guess what?

In this age, we are no better, because guess who is the star of the show now? The Holy Spirit--the person of the Trinity that gets the least attention. Have we acknowledged His power and presence in our life day-by-day? Do we truly understand that He is never MIA on this battle-scarred earth? Or are we turning a blind eye and bemoaning that Jesus abandoned us and gave us this sometimes-creepy, mostly-mediocre  "entity" as substitute?

Jesus insists that it is better that the Holy Spirit was sent instead of Jesus staying on the earth.

But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. ⁸ When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment: ⁹ about sin, because people do not believe in me; ¹⁰ about righteousness, because I am going to the Father, where you can see me no longer; ¹¹ and about judgment, because the prince of this world now stands condemned. I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. ¹³ But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth.  

- John 16:7-13

Do we really want to let this awesome promise and power get trampled beneath our feet as we struggle blindly in our faith? We say the Holy Spirit is a mystery, but all we have to do is look at God the Father and Jesus Christ and realize that the Spirit is the same God. He has the same characteristics of our resurrected Savior, but He is not limited by the constraints of human form. 

Do we not trust our King even now? We have the Word of God, living and active, testifying to us that the Trinity is still at work. He has given us a history of the mistakes people have made over and over and over, holding on to an age that is past instead of living in the present: the Jews clinging to earthly substitutes, Pharisees clinging to the Law, and now Christians clinging to Jesus, who was and is God and also man. Yes, yes, yes, cling to Jesus, by all means!

But if we don't understand how God is working in the time in which we live, we cannot join Him in it! And God is working through the Holy Spirit right now so hadn't we better pay attention to Him so that we can do effective kingdom-building work?

Ireland Revisited

It has been exactly one year since I left for Ireland. One year ago, I stepped onto the Eire Lingus airplane ramp, my excitement finally catching up with my uncertainty. Yes, there is still a part of me that wants to continue to remain bitter to the circumstances, attitudes, and actions that linger so obtrusively from my stay in that beautiful country. Part of me wants to squelch the sorrow and pain with purposeful forgetfulness. This is what I tried to do for several months after my return. I didn't want to talk about it. I was done. 

It's not like that anymore. 

In the past couple months, I accepted again that those 3 months in Ireland were 3 months of my life that were not wasted. I've accepted it and thus opened myself to something I should have let in long ago: gratitude. 

Gratitude helps me reach back across the ocean to remember as I should. And would I choose now again to go back, knowing what would happen? Difficult as it may be, I think so. I believe every person in our group was in Ireland at that time for a specific purpose. We may not have been in sync with each other most of the time, we may have grated deeply on each others' nerves. We may have even, sadly, scarred each other deeply on an emotional level. 

But in those few times of unity, there was a sense of holiness that invaded my soul. God's supremacy reigned in our dysfunctional "family." He reigns over us now as we have gone our "separate" ways, even as seeds of brokenness remain evident. 

If I were to go back in time now I would try, I would try to react differently . . . to be gentler with myself, to be more understanding of others, to be patient in hope, joyful in affliction, grateful in all things. Regret is not the word I will choose to use. I choose to rely on hope, hope that in my past failures and afflictions God's strength was made known in my weakness. Hope in my present, in that I understand more things now and am more well-equipped for certain battles had I not gone to Ireland when I did. And I have hope that in the future, my new perspective on my study abroad experience will flourish into a harvest of redemptive thankfulness. 

Thanks be to God for reminding me of my smallness in the infinite,

The abundance of grace in every moment,

And the redemptive beauty of remembrance 

Relentless Love

The love of true friendship pursues. Sure, the relationship waxes and wanes through physical separation and various circumstances. But ultimately, true friendship stands the test of time by seeking out the other person throughout the highest and lowest stages of their life. It is amazing to me how few people in this world take initiative in solidifying lasting friendships. Indeed, there are relationships that last only for a short time, and that is okay. I think sometimes God puts people together in a friendship specifically for a certain time period to encourage one another. 

However, do we not all hunger for relationships that never fade? A friend who you have no doubt will keep in contact no matter the distance . . . a friend who will walk beside you even when you are acting unloveable . . . a friend that loves you just as much in your pitiful moments than when you are at your best . . . a friend that you aren't afraid of having to impress . . . a friend that refuses to let you go until he/she understands . . . a friend that would give his/her life for you . . . 

There aren't many friends that are like that. I do not meet all of those qualities in any of my relationships. Some come closer than others, but selfishness still forms a barrier everywhere. 

Recently two of my friends, a married couple, got a divorce. I was heartbroken and I still do not understand why they went through with it, though they attempted to explain. Very few things, in my mind, merit a breaking of such a covenant. When I think that even the most sacred of earthly relationships is so easily broken, I am afraid. I am afraid we . . . none of us . . . understand love at all. We don't understand that love is more give than take, that love seeks the other person's good first and foremost and not our own. That love is more than a feeling. Love is a commitment to serve when it doesn't make sense. At all. 

And this one relationship . . . that of Christ to His creation, His children, His bride . . . Christ made it known to all that love is worth the risk. 

It's worth it to be proactive in recklessly loving others, even though people may choose to reject us, because some people can be blessed or even saved by a relentless heart. 

Yes, I believe relentless love in the face of possible rejection can save lives. Between humans, and certainly between God and us. Christ is indeed the perfect example of giving up everything (Philippians 2:1-11) out of a desire for us to experience something greater than ourselves: eternal joy in His presence. What a relief that God will never consider signing divorce papers with us. His promises are mightier than our failures and selfish ambitions. What a friend we have in Jesus.

Yet somehow, I still manage to take advantage of God's relentless love. I desire these deep relationships  of relentless pursuit, yet I lose my passion in pursuing God. But He is not one of those friends that is in your life for just one specific time and place. He's not gonna up and leave. Not a chance. So what better way to practice my relentless love than with my Creator and Savior? Only when I can love God relentlessly can I begin to love others similarly. 

Noel: Our Past, Present, and Future (Part 2)

Noel: Our Past, Present, and Future

The crux of Noel, of Christmas, of the hope of eternity, was birthed among animals. Cattle and pigs were the only witnesses of His birth save for Mary and Joseph. I assume there was nothing special about the birthing process either. Christ the baby didn't glow or speak or do anything that would signify His presence as God of the universe. God self-reduced to tthe form of His creation. 

A chorus of angels heralded Christ's entrance to a few shepherds. The rest of Creation would examine the evidence of a star. I've no doubt that angels and demons were battling one of the fiercest wars in eternal history that day. Angels battled fearlessly, confident of their winning King. Demons fought in desperation, kamikazes of evil launching themselves every which way. Feeding Herod's jealousy, throwing obstacles in the earthly journeys of faithful servants. They must have battled for the very minds of Mary and Joseph, spurring doubts and fears. All the while growing more certain of their loss. 

And then He is born--Satan's frustrated schemes scream like nails on a chalkboard, ripping across a starry sky. This humble, unexpected, breathless victory of God compels shepherds to rejoice and Mary to sing and Joseph to tremble in awe and praise. 

Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart (Luke 2:19). Looking back on the craziest 9 months of her life. That night, 9 months previous, as she lay dreaming of her soon-to-be marriage to Joseph, startled by an angel who tells her not to fear. How could fear slide back down her throat when she's just been told that the Holy Spirit has placed the Savior of the world inside her very body? Did she sleep at all that night? If so, only by the grace of God. A willing teenager. That's all Mary was. She was a soldier willing to do whatever her Servant King asked, and though she abandoned a peaceful marriage and a life unjudged, she trusted God was working all things out for her good. He was on her side. She trusted Him. Perhaps just enough. And isn't that what we all should do? 

We too are soldiers receiving instructions from our King. One command we have all been given is to go out into all the world and show others the beauty and joy of the Kingdom in which we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28.)

And Joseph--going ahead with the marriage to his dearest love--despite accusations that her pregnancy was illegitimate. The courage it must have took to stand against the uproar of friends and family. Uproar that could have led to his wife being stoned or abandoned and he rejected and scorned. Perhaps it made job prospects bleak, for who would respect a man who would take such a wife? Many tears must have been shed with the weight of this decision. This courage must have come from God alone: to be the earthly father of Emmanuel, God with us. No selfish man could have accepted that task in their own strength. 

And we too can summon courage to accept "impossible" tasks, not from within ourselves, but from the Holy Spirit who lives inside us. 

Christ, our past gift; the Holy Spirit, our present gift; God the Father in all glory and power, our future gift! Could there be a more generous God, who gives of Himself throughout history--Christ, once for all to save, the Holy Spirit to counsel and comfort, and the Father who will reign eternally. Three in one, given in most mysterious, compassionate, glorious ways. This--THIS is Christmas! 

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel has come to us! So open presents with joy this Christmas, remembering the gifts God has blessed us with, and those that are still to come!