Hope Now

More and more, I am realizing that hope is not limited to the future. It is a grave insult, I believe, to call hope a "future happy fulfillment of half-believed wish." Hope lives in the present, not the future. If hope is a tree its roots lie in the here and now, while its branches stretch towards past and future. Hope has a hand in everything. To say, "we have pain now, but look ahead--it will get better in heaven!" may be true, but it is hardly helpful to the one who is in pain. Sure, it can provide a brief glimpse of happiness but it is almost harmful to point a suffering person to unimaginable events and experiences. Imagination can only go so far, and it is severely limited by a broken heart.

I think one of the most helpful things you can do for a person in pain after a time of deep sorrow is to gently illuminate present goodness. Don't overwhelm with false happiness. Acknowledge grief. Yet point out the laughing child dancing in the street, the multi-colored palette sunset, the patient father teaching his son how to catch a ball. Because here lies concrete reality, a present truth instead of a past or future one. 

Jesus said, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." Sometimes I get the verb tense mixed up in my head and think Jesus was saying I will overcome the world. After all, the evidence seems to suggest there ain't much victory going on in our war-torn world. But our God is a God of hope, and that means He is rooted in the present. He is the Light of the World and this light is our concrete, unshakeable, lovestruck hope. 

Currently I'm reading a book called Here and Now: Living in the Spirit In speaking of a particularly hopeful friend of his, Henri Nouwen says, 

There is nothing sentimental about him. He is a realist, but his deep faith allows him to know that hope is more real than despair, faith more real than distrust, and love more real than fear. It is this spiritual realism that makes him such a joyful man.  

Whenever I meet him, I am tempted to draw his attention to the wars between nations, the starvation among children, the corruption in politics, and the deceit among people, thus trying to impress him with the ultimate brokenness of the human race. But every time I try something like this, he looks at me with his gentle and compassionate eyes and says: 'I saw two children sharing their bread with one another, and I heard a woman say thank you and smile when someone covered her with a blanket. These simple poor people gave me new courage to live my life.'  

My friend's joy is contagious. The more I am with him, the more I catch glimpses of the sun shining through the clouds. Yes, I know there is a sun, even though the skies are covered with clouds. While my friend always spoke about the sun, I kept speaking about the clouds, until one day I realized that it was the sun that allowed me to see the clouds.  

Those who keep speaking about the sun while walking under a cloudy sky are messengers of hope, the true saints of our day.

Mexico Mission Trip

Friends and Family,

First of all, thank you so much for your dedicated prayer and financial support. Without you, I would not have been able to go on this mission trip and I would have missed so much of seeing God at work in a culture I am coming to love more and more. It’s hard to believe that it is over . . . thankfully, God stretched out the time while we were in Mexico. The days felt gloriously long and productive.

There wasn’t necessarily a “typical” day in the week we spent at the Back2Back Ministries group home. We would start each day with breakfast, a scheduled devotional and small group time. How refreshing to start the day right within vulnerable community!

Speaking of community, one of our major prayer requests was for unity within the team and wow—God really came through for us! I have never been in a group with such consistent good attitudes and a commitment to dig deeper with each other and with God. Vulnerability was huge. Through small group and debrief times every night, we encouraged each other in our struggles and rejoiced with each other over the wonderful things that were happening. It is amazing what difference good attitudes can bring to a team’s productivity and joy.

God delighted us with many blessings on our trip. He protected all of us from injury and illness (which is almost unheard of on these Taylor University mission trips it seems!) Through prayer, He healed one of the team of an injury he had dealt with for over a year. God personally comforted me in my anxieties by bringing others around me to encourage and pray for me. If nothing else, my prayer life has changed as a result of this trip. I have been encouraged to pray with boldness, and as I came back to Taylor I realized how much more I am praying with people, not just for them. I am motivated to halt the busyness of life in order to bring concerns to God immediately, joining with friends to lift burdens to Someone who can actually carry them.

Me and Gael!

I interacted with kids from poor communities, a government shelter for abused and neglected children, a girl’s home run by three nuns, and a family all of whom Back2Back partners with. In all of these places, the people I spoke with ministered to me even as I was serving them. The graciousness of Mexican people is truly inspiring. Three teenage guys who volunteer with Back2Back graciously spent their spring break serving and hanging out with us. They touched our team with their generosity and love.

Many kids impacted the hearts of our team. One of my buddies was a boy named Gael, who is about ten years old. He is a sweet boy that greeted me every time we went to his community with a pat on the back, a side hug, and a smile. He’d then ramble a bit in Spanish and I would have no idea what he was saying. Gael really caught on to the songs we taught the kids during our program. He would walk around, singing “Yo tengo gozo, gozo, gozo, gozo en mi corazón” (I’ve got the joy down in my heart) and “Mi Dios es grande, mi Dios es fuerte” (My God is greater, My God is stronger.) Of course, I loved singing these with him. We also played a Memory game several times. I would laughingly call him a “tramposo” (cheater) because he kept peeking under the cards to get the right matches! Silly, silly, silly.

I was overjoyed simply to be around kids (I don’t get to see many at college)! I enjoyed going around to all the kids, learning their names (unfortunately forgetting some of them) and learning a little about them. The program we put on with games, skits, songs, and crafts was always a blast. One team member even taught some girls Irish dancing! The cool thing about loving on these kids was that we knew that they were not going to be abandoned. Back2Back is in continual connection and ministry with them.

Easter Sunday was a unique experience for me. Ask me the full details in person if you want to hear the story, but basically, God gave me the opportunity to share my faith with a person at the market (where we got souvenirs.) I was carrying my Bible and journal around and the market vendor (Victor) asked me what the book was. He showed me his favorite passage: Psalm 91. When I asked if he was a Christian, he kept responding with “I read my Bible.” Well, in the end, God prompted me to give Victor my English study Bible with all my notes and underlined verses. He was super excited and grateful and told me that because I had given him my Bible that he would read the Gospel I was talking about . . .   the book of John. I never expected for God to use me in this straight up evangelism way. I had never done that before, but God surprised me throughout the trip with His faithfulness and blessings.

I could go on and on . . .

My experiences resonate well with the last words of John’s Gospel: “Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.”

Oh how sweet to trust in Jesus.  

The Forest of Depression

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;all your waves and breakers have swept over me. 

- Psalm 42:7

It is both a blessing and a great pain to both think and feel deeply. Because my mind constantly thirsts for Truth, God is able to teach me so many things about myself, others, and God. On the flipside, sometimes I think way too much--I dwell-- and when those thoughts are negative or are lies, it transfers to my emotions. Since I feel deeply as well, I am able to empathize with people who are suffering. However, I often dwell in my emotions also. So when negative thoughts or news of tragedy or anticipation of change reaches my mind, I try to process process process with all this emotion emotion emotion and one of two things happens. I either:

(1) Withdraw into myself and become overly anxious or depressed

or

(2) Entrust my deep-set thoughts and emotions to a God who responds in the way only HE can, reaching my deepest needs of mind and heart by responding with an equally, or even greater depth

That said, I stumbled upon an article in Christianity Today about depression. Based on the clinical definition, I have probably been in major depression once in my life. I know friends who struggle with depression much more than I have, and acquaintances who have suffered even more, to the point of even attempting suicide. It's terrifying. It's terrifying because the person is not thinking rationally. Even if they are, there are still lies that are being believed. Lies that can so cloud the bigger picture that it can steal a life! Some interesting points I gleaned from this article:

"And the nature of the relationships we do have is changing. Many have become what British sociologist Anthony Giddens labels "pure relationships"—"pure" in that they are detached from any social context, external structure, or security. There is no covenant, community, or being to orient the relationship or provide ongoing assurance, direction, and support. All of this must be generated by the relationship itself, which exacts a heavy burden. We can never relax in pure relationships because there is no pledge of fidelity or constancy on which to rest. We must "maintain" these relationships ourselves. Over time, constant vigilance and sustained insecurity often lead to frustration, anxiety, and weariness. These relationships are just too hard to keep up."    

• Our relationships are too individualistic. We don't rely on dedicated community in Christ, but rely on ourselves to sustain friendships. 

•  We "need" to perform maintenance work. When we become weary of this, we can feel all sorts of emotions.

"Opportunity for the church -- Uncertainty, insignificance, and powerlessness. Destructive, self-indulgent escape. Loneliness and isolation. Fear and distrust. Loss of hope. Retreat. Although hasty and incomplete, this sketch of the early-21st-century American cultural mood picks up dark details masked by indices of societal well-being. It also reminds us that to focus exclusively on the individual in our efforts to understand the depression epidemic is to miss the forest for the trees." 

• The Church has opportunity to do the most good for those who struggle with depression. The Church is a hospital for all of our broken lives. We need to address the epidemic of depression in society, not just on an individualized basis

 "Christian teaching about sin and its reverberating effects frees the church from surprise about the disordered state of human affairs. We can acknowledge the effects of sin both within and without. We can look at wrecked reality squarely in the eye and call it what it is. 

And thanks be to God, who raised the One who entered fully into our condition, breaking the power of sin, death, and hell, that we not only can name wrecked reality, but also lean into it on the promise that Christ is making all things new. 

Those who bear the marks of despair on their bodies need a community that bears the world's only sure hope in its body. They need communities that rehearse this hope again and again and delight in their shared foretaste of God's promised world to come. They need to see that this great promise, secured by Christ's resurrection, compels us to work amidst the wreckage in hope. In so doing, the church provides her depressed members with a plausible hope and a tangible reminder of the message they most need to hear: This sin-riddled reality does not have the last word. Christ as embodied in his church is the last word."  

• We know where depression comes from, can call it what it is, and know that God is not going to let depression live forever 

•  Community is essential for reminders of God's provision, love, and promises. If you don't have good community, find it. No excuses until you find one. Even if it is difficult to find one, it is out there, so why stop looking for your biggest aid in fighting depression?

Addicted to Easy

I'm addicted to easy. In Mexico, many many things were easy and it is now I come back into the hard, harsh life of busy. Some of you may have questions. Isn't a mission trip supposed to be hard? Isn't it supposed to drive some unexpected growth amidst spiritual warfare and open your eyes to the despair of economic and social poverty? Throw in a little fear here, a little self-doubt there . . . how can it be anything but hard?

It seems an almighty offense to call the Gospel easy to live. But what I found out in Mexico was that God knew what He was saying when He speaks of the value of vulnerable community, the body of Christ working together, being of one mind and spirit, and ultimately living for the love of God and the love of others and sharing the Truth that rescues.


I was struck by how fulfilling it is to live in such a way, focusing exclusively on relationships.


Now, I come back and am bombarded by the busyness of school. Dare I say school is a necessary evil? No, no . . . it is a gift from God, though I believe the system is broken (yes, even in my Christian school) in many ways. It is a blessing to learn of what God has created and revealed to people, but we are motivated by the wrong things, driven by grades and success.

How hard it is to keep in mind the mission of life--abiding in Christ--while deadlines and busyness rule the world.

I hunger and thirst for righteousness--the righteousness of Christ piercing through the darkness of our busy American lives and restoring focus on Himself and on building relationships with others. So many times, we saw others forsake their schedules simply to spend time with us in Mexico. Graciousness abounded and the love of Christ flourished like opening blossoms in the spring. I struggle to find how to live this kind of life in a culture that demands a schedule and punishes you if you spend too much time on relationships and not on responsibilities.

Restore our broken lives, God. We are just as broken as the orphans and widows in Mexico, simply in different ways. I see now how easy it is to love when I am not limited by a task-driven schedule. Oh my gracious Savior, show us how to live this easy Gospel love in this world. I'm struggling. I'm struggling. I'm struggling, because I've tasted and seen that You are good . . . and now I am addicted to easy.

My God is so BIG

So strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do! I must have sung this old Sunday School tune at least 10 times yesterday. I don't even know the rest of the lyrics, but those were quite enough for me to shout down the hallway in ecstasy.

all-powerful

Shepherd

Servant 

Some of my favorite moments with God is when I lay aside my troubles for a while and remind myself that I am a little child when it comes to loving and knowing God. So often I try to "figure out" what's going on in God's mind. Either to try to reconcile what's happening around me or to try and gain some measure of control. What a waste of time, really. More often, I need to rest and acknowledge God for who He is. Verbally. Words are powerful, and affirming God's glory and identity can be so freeing.

Savior

Merciful

Slow to anger

Abounding in love

At wing church last night (a time each week when my wing comes together for an hour to glorify God in community) we sang and then spoke words that described who GOD IS. We must have done this for 30 minutes, but it felt like 5. With each descriptor uttered, I felt a resonant "yes" dispelling my doubts. I could not help but grin at times, hearing my beautiful friends speak Truth and Life.

Counselor

King

Good

I didn't want to stop. For once, there was no urgency in my mind to hurry through because part of me wanted to do something else. No. For once, I fully enjoyed His presence and the presence of my sisters in Christ. I hunger for more of that kind of simple, childlike faith, back-to-the-basics worship.

God is . . . 

Joy

Creative

Friend

Compassionate

Empathetic

Conqueror

Victorious!

Teacher

Father

Righteous Judge

Holy

Perfect

Peace

Beautiful

Jealous

Wise

Gentle

Resurrection

Renewal

And indescribably more than we could ever ask or imagine (Eph. 3:20)

Three in One

Any claim to understand the Trinity is an expression either of ignorance or arrogance. It's one of those great mysteries that we will someday come to terms with, once Christ returns. However, there is an infinite amount to learn even now about the nature of these three distinct persons with different roles who relate to each other as the one and only God. I gained new insight this morning at church.

Darren talked about how God the Father was the star attraction from Creation to the time of the prophets. Eventually, the Jews demanded a king to rule them because everyone else had one. When God reminded them that He was their King the Jewish people whined their way into getting a flawed, earthly king, which ended up being a poor substitute, though God invariably brought all together for good through this setup. 

When Jesus came to earth, He took over the lead role from the Father. Interestingly, the Pharisees and other religious "experts" dedicated to observing the Law rejected and despised Jesus. God revealed through prophets that He would one day come to earth, fully God and fully man, to reconcile people to Himself and fulfill the Law. Yet for some reason, the Pharisees rejected him. They got so hung up on God the Father, that they were blind to the Son who was right there in their midst. How thick can you get? Well, let's see. They only ended up condemning the SAVIOR OF THE WORLD to torment and death. That's pretty thick if you ask me. But guess what?

In this age, we are no better, because guess who is the star of the show now? The Holy Spirit--the person of the Trinity that gets the least attention. Have we acknowledged His power and presence in our life day-by-day? Do we truly understand that He is never MIA on this battle-scarred earth? Or are we turning a blind eye and bemoaning that Jesus abandoned us and gave us this sometimes-creepy, mostly-mediocre  "entity" as substitute?

Jesus insists that it is better that the Holy Spirit was sent instead of Jesus staying on the earth.

But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. ⁸ When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment: ⁹ about sin, because people do not believe in me; ¹⁰ about righteousness, because I am going to the Father, where you can see me no longer; ¹¹ and about judgment, because the prince of this world now stands condemned. I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. ¹³ But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth.  

- John 16:7-13

Do we really want to let this awesome promise and power get trampled beneath our feet as we struggle blindly in our faith? We say the Holy Spirit is a mystery, but all we have to do is look at God the Father and Jesus Christ and realize that the Spirit is the same God. He has the same characteristics of our resurrected Savior, but He is not limited by the constraints of human form. 

Do we not trust our King even now? We have the Word of God, living and active, testifying to us that the Trinity is still at work. He has given us a history of the mistakes people have made over and over and over, holding on to an age that is past instead of living in the present: the Jews clinging to earthly substitutes, Pharisees clinging to the Law, and now Christians clinging to Jesus, who was and is God and also man. Yes, yes, yes, cling to Jesus, by all means!

But if we don't understand how God is working in the time in which we live, we cannot join Him in it! And God is working through the Holy Spirit right now so hadn't we better pay attention to Him so that we can do effective kingdom-building work?

Ireland Revisited

It has been exactly one year since I left for Ireland. One year ago, I stepped onto the Eire Lingus airplane ramp, my excitement finally catching up with my uncertainty. Yes, there is still a part of me that wants to continue to remain bitter to the circumstances, attitudes, and actions that linger so obtrusively from my stay in that beautiful country. Part of me wants to squelch the sorrow and pain with purposeful forgetfulness. This is what I tried to do for several months after my return. I didn't want to talk about it. I was done. 

It's not like that anymore. 

In the past couple months, I accepted again that those 3 months in Ireland were 3 months of my life that were not wasted. I've accepted it and thus opened myself to something I should have let in long ago: gratitude. 

Gratitude helps me reach back across the ocean to remember as I should. And would I choose now again to go back, knowing what would happen? Difficult as it may be, I think so. I believe every person in our group was in Ireland at that time for a specific purpose. We may not have been in sync with each other most of the time, we may have grated deeply on each others' nerves. We may have even, sadly, scarred each other deeply on an emotional level. 

But in those few times of unity, there was a sense of holiness that invaded my soul. God's supremacy reigned in our dysfunctional "family." He reigns over us now as we have gone our "separate" ways, even as seeds of brokenness remain evident. 

If I were to go back in time now I would try, I would try to react differently . . . to be gentler with myself, to be more understanding of others, to be patient in hope, joyful in affliction, grateful in all things. Regret is not the word I will choose to use. I choose to rely on hope, hope that in my past failures and afflictions God's strength was made known in my weakness. Hope in my present, in that I understand more things now and am more well-equipped for certain battles had I not gone to Ireland when I did. And I have hope that in the future, my new perspective on my study abroad experience will flourish into a harvest of redemptive thankfulness. 

Thanks be to God for reminding me of my smallness in the infinite,

The abundance of grace in every moment,

And the redemptive beauty of remembrance