Graduation

[[All my latest posts have been about change. Sorry about that. What can I say, it's been on my mind a lot lately! ]]

“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” - Frederick Beuchner

Perhaps it is finally time to talk about that both dreaded and anticipated word: graduation. I am resistant to change, but I've been through it enough times now to know my God will work out everything for my good, even (dare I say) for the better. Every time I have walked through major change, I have come out on the other side with more, not less. More hope, more joy, more deep relationships, more ability to persevere, more trust in an empathetic Father who will carry me through suffering. And what good I look forward to even now as I literally dream about my summer serving with Back2Back!

My history of transition moments or points of change have been rocky, to put it lightly. I go through stages of anxiety, panic, and depression. Today I worry if I will "be the best me" for everyone these last couple weeks at school. What if I'm not funny enough? What if I graduate visibly depressed instead of focusing on the positive I know is there the way that I want to? What if I don't love well? What if I lose my temper? What if I say the wrong things? Do the wrong things?

I have grown much through my years at Taylor, but clearly my insecurities remain.

Today in Senior Capstone class, a speaker talked to us about how we each have a divine assignment. We went through a bunch of activities and figured out a two-word mission statement for each of us. I was grateful for the way the speaker explained our divine assignments. If you know what you are here for, you have a reason to get up in the morning. In the middle of crazy transitions, your divine assignment can direct you in a way that friends, family, or anywhere else you place your identity cannot.

As a Christian, the core of my identity is that I am a child of God, but I also have a specific purpose that I am uniquely equipped to carry out. It is ingrained inside of me and permeates, motivates everything I do.

I spend my life trying to hold onto so many idols, but I couldn't get away from this divine assignment even if I tried.

According to the two hours I spent doing the activities and meditating on the result, my divine assignment is to initiate compassion. Maybe it's not spot on, but I think that fits me pretty well. This "initiating compassion" is the place where my  deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet. And indeed, in much of what I do I love starting, igniting, initiating a movement, an encouragement, a pay-it-forward domino effect of loving people who are hurting. Not necessarily in huge ways, but in the little day-to-day interactions.

The best part is, I can initiate compassion anywhere with anyone. It doesn't have to be at Taylor.

The change will hit me like a train wreck. Maybe it will be in stages (tears have already made a couple appearances.) Maybe it will be on graduation day. Maybe it will be after I come back from Mexico and realize I'm not going back to school in the fall. Taylor University has given me a small taste of heaven. Imperfect and broken and messed up as these people are, there is truly something special here caused by our shared life together in Christ.

I will miss Taylor University.

But there is more good to come. More ways I haven't even begun to imagine of how to initiate compassion to a world in need. Ways that God has wanted me to accomplish initiating compassion in His name since the beginning of time. Ways that I would never, ever experience if I were to stay at Taylor. And that's what I will hold onto, walking out into the "farthest away from home I've ever been."